Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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