in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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