i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
