fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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