I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
