I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize