you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
