I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
