last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
did i walk over a car last night?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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