i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
