i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
