My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
