I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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