it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
