Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
