If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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