Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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