he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
