You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
