youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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