He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
