I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
