She is in my trunk
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
