just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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