I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
