Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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