Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
