So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
