Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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