Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
