just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
