Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
