i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
