i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just want to make out with him forever
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
