Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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