So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
