The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
