I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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