if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize