It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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