i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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