put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
