just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
