I met the friendliest cop last night
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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