I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
