i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
