Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
