I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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