I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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