cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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