there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
