If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
