haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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