i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
