While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
