i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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