I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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