some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
