i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Damn victory sex feels great
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
