Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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