I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
