She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
