He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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