lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
