He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think your dad took our porno
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
