Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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