you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
