It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
