You just made me feel so damn special
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
