Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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