This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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