am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
