I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
