She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
