Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
