ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
