If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
