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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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