U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
