So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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