Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
