But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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