what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
