everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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